The Diary of Proverbs

Every time I read a Psalm passage, I am intrigued at how transparent the writers are, especially David.  In one Psalm, David could be praising God and sharing his confidence and gratitude in the Lord, and turn around and express his fear, insecurities, and doubts in another.  But even in those Psalms where you find David fearful & doubting, he tends to have a moment where he completely flips the script, combats those feelings, and begin to express that in spite of what he sees, feels, or think, He knows that God is true, so he will continue to place his confidence in the Lord God of Israel!  I don’t know about you, but David transparency is a breath of fresh air!  People tend to make you feel like you’re not a true believer because sometimes you have doubts that God is near….sometimes you get impatient and want to know WHERE THE HECK IS GOD?!?! lol  But I read Psalms, and I see these people, expressing my same thoughts and feelings, and yet they know how to transform those thoughts, and remind themselves (and us the readers) that God is faithful.  And well David, is one man who doesn’t sugar code how he feels.  But what I love the most about David, is his ability to recognize the magnitude of our God and His sovereignty  despite those moments when he feels like God has abandoned him, or is taking too long to come through.  David makes it a point to express to God, that he knows that God is who He says He is and because of that He will trust Him!  Gotta love it!

Anyway, I said all that to say that this…I wrote my own Psalm.  I know it’s kind of weird that someone named ProVerbs is writing a Psalm lol (I beat you to the joke! Ha!), but I did.  One night I was pretty much going through it, and I started to read Psalm (Side Note: If you are ever feeling some type of way, and don’t know how to express it to God, I can almost guarantee that there is a Psalm that can totally explain how you feel.  So search the word & when you find that passage, simply read it to God. I find myself doing that at times (-:…just thought I’d share), I told myself I wanted to write a Psalm to God to express to Him how I was feeling…so this is the product of that night…I hope you can see my heart as you read, and maybe it will even compel you to write your own…so anyway, here it is…My Psalm

Enjoy

ProVerbs

My Psalms: Heart Spoken

Though my heart is filled with the hurt of rejection,
You Oh, Lord have reminded me of your love,
And though the thought of my pain seems to plague me at my darkest hour,
You Oh Lord remind me of your faithfulness to me and your promise to never leave me,
I find my refuge in you, my hope in your love, my peace in your will for my life,
You alone have comforted me,
Only your words alone can heal me,
And when my insecurities try to overshadow my destiny,
You send your sons to remind me of your great plans for me,
Forgive me Oh Lord, for I have sinned against thee,
I have turned my face from thee and wallowed in my adversity,
My laziness has caused my desire for your word to run dry,
But I ask that you find mercy with me,
That you restore my thirst for thee,
My desire is to love you more than anything else,
And even if I have to forsake all to fulfill your destiny,
As long as you show yourself strong and make it clear that it’s you speaking, I will follow you and find comfort in knowing that You Oh Lord are with me,
For your love is better than the sweetest lips,
And my hunger for You goes beyond the fulfillment of my deepest desires
You Oh Lord are my God forever,
Your plan of salvation has allowed me to know of Your goodness,
Without You my life would be fruitless,
The purpose of this journey would be pointless,
But you have predestined since the beginning of the world that through Jesus Christ I would have the chance to fellowship with you,
Forgive me for taking You for granted,
You could have birth me during a time where I would be lost,
But You have graced me for such a time as this,
And for that I am grateful,
Now please search me Oh Lord, and if you will please purge me of the things that you find that is not of you,
Pull away those things that hinders my walk with you,
And place in me the characteristics of your Son and who you desire for me to become,
I am a yielded vessel,
Emptied for your purpose,
In wait for what is to come,
Prepare my heart, Oh God
And let not pride or selfish ambition lead me astray,
But remind to stay humbled at heart and focus on You alone
For you alone are worthy of all the glory, honor, and adoration,
Both now and generations to come,
Let my bloodline continually give you praise with a sincere heart and a made up mind to please You ultimately.
In Your Son, My Lord and Savior’s name,  Yeshua the Christ
Amen.

There is absolutely NOTHING special about me.  Now before you start to think that this blog is an apprehensive piece of insecurities, please just hear me out…Like I said, there is nothing special about me and I believe that the only factor that makes the difference in my life is the Lord Jesus Christ.  And I’m not EVEN trying to be churchy when I say that, so put a pause on the “Amens” for a second (you can bring ‘em in later though lol).

I keep finding myself in places, that in the natural, I just don’t belong.  Nothing about me, my skills or looks, ever qualified me to have some of the opportunities I have had, including now.  But God has always done the unthinkable in/for/through me, leaving me in awe that He would even consider using me.

I once had a guy who walked away from me and found interest in another girl.  When discussing our issue and why he felt we wouldn’t work, I remember him saying that I was like every other girl he’d met and that she was just different.  I found myself extremely hurt by this statement, because I always thought I was different and that it was that thing that caused me to stand out.  I would play this statement in my head repeatedly.  I found that it was much less the statement he had made, and more so the confusion that the statement caused.  Doubt about who I was had stepped in at that moment those words left his lips.  So I am like everybody else?  Well why do I feel so different?  Why don’t I fit in with the crowds? How come I’m always being rejected?

One day I hope to thank him for reminding me of that (if you’re reading this ‘THANK YOU’)!  Why thank him?   Because first of all, it snapped me back into humility, being that I really took pride in being “different” and felt that it was what set me apart.  And secondly, it left me even more excited about GOD and what He had done in me!  I have come to the realization, that he was absolutely right!  I have the same temptations, same struggles, same fears, same bad habits.  I still have things I must mature in, work on, change, let go of…

So yea, like he said, there is NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ME, and yet God has chosen this ordinary girl to do extraordinary things.  He’s using a girl that doesn’t look like she fits in the places that He’s taking her, but yet He keeps placing her among royalty!  Me?  The ordinary girl.  So all I know is, I might not be “special,” but I do know that God is with me.  And the CHRIST in me is making the difference!

I don’t need to be anything important; my goal is no longer to impress the people, to be a part of the elite, to stick out so that people can see that “I’m different,” in efforts to be recognized.  No, I hold on to the fact that GOD is with me, that the glory of the Lord is present in my life, and evident through my journey.  When I can’t seem to grasps why He would do this in me, all I know is that He is with me. Whenever people looked at my life and couldn’t figure out why her?  Or when those who were impressed with the journey afar, got a glimpse of me up-close, and couldn’t understand what was so special.  Trust me, I couldn’t figure it out either.  But I finally realized what it was/is….God it’s You! You chose me from the beginning, and the thing that may set me apart, is that I am allowing You to freely have your way with me.

And so God I thank you for everything you have done in me, for me, and through me.  When I wasn’t faithful, God you were always faithful.  When I did my OWN will instead of yours (or what I THOUGHT was yours, but was really mine…let’s be real!), your grace has ALWAYS led me back to You!  When I tried to be for PEOPLE, You showed me that YOU were the ONLY audience that matters.  That when I couldn’t impress the people, my simple obedience is what impressed YOU! You are the light of my life, the strength in my weakness, the reason I live, move, and even try to BE!

I thank you for the heartaches that you allowed, that have gotten me to a place of surrendering to You and leaning on you to fill the void of the love I needed.  You surround me with few, but meaningful relationships.  Friends who don’t just SAY they love me, but PUSH ME to You. Challenge me to be what YOU called me to be.  When I was looking to be a part of a CROWD, wanted to reach for people who left me, You knew what was best!  You knew to be strategic with the ones who would accept me and enter my world.  When I didn’t understand, You wouldn’t leave me lost.  You protected me from MYSELF and moved me into a destiny that I couldn’t even fathom!  You are a sovereign GOD!  The ONE who knows all, sees all, and can do ALL!  You are the INCREDIBLE God that pushed me beyond MYSELF. You continue to use me, the weak thing, the person who didn’t matter.  The girl who didn’t know how to look, dress, and BE like the others! Even when I tried! You used and is still using THAT girl, THIS girl to do things that I can’t comprehend, but Lord please know that I’m all in!  Your love inspires me to just let go and let You lead!

So although, I’m NOTHING special, I’m ok with that *shrugs*.  It leaves me in a position to ALWAYS give you props! So with that said, GO GOD!

“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence.” – The Apostle Paul, 1 Cor 1:27-29.

Ok, now you can say AMEN! Lol Thanks for reading.

Hearts Love,

ProVerbs

^{James 1:4} But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Have you ever asked God for something? I mean you prayed your FACE OFF…and it seemed like God wasn’t listening, or that He just decided He wasn’t going to do it. And then when you least expect it (it could be months or yearsssssss), it drops in your lap like a freaking hot potato…but you don’t really recognize it at first because it came in a form you’d least expect or didn’t expect all!!

Well I’m currently in a period where things/people/ideas/tasks that I have prayed for are coming in ways that I didn’t expect and in some cases, didn’t necessarily want. I struggle with the fact that, sometimes my answers don’t always look like I imagined it…it doesn’t feel as good as I wanted it to…or produce what I expected it to produce, WHENNNNNNN I expected it to be produced….and then that word PATIENCE comes up…

It seems like even when you get your answer…PATIENCE is still a factor that won’t go away…won’t be ignored…and won’t let up no matter how much you complain…

Patience to me is like those moments when you’re in a hurry and you’re on the freeway burning rubber…I mean you’re in that 75-85 mph type speed zone…you’re doing good so far (no cops!! lol)…you look forward and see a clear stretch ahead of you. THENNN all of a sudden this car  jumps in front of you and starts to drive extremelyyyyy slow…you have no way of getting around it so you have to slow down and DEAL WITH IT!  In these cases, sometimes you try to PUNK the car in front of you by driving up on its rear in efforts to say “Hey YOU! Either drive faster or GET OUT OF MY WAY!!” lmbo (don’t act like you’ve never done it!)…However it doesn’t always work like that in life…and in most cases THE CAR WON’T MOVE…so you have the option of either slowing down & waiting on God….or cause a complete wreck trying to get around it (which will stop you in your tracks COMPLETELY)….

You’re SOOOO irritated that you don’t even realize that this car is actually saving you…it’s saving you! CARINMOTIONTRYINGTOGOOOOOOOOO SAY WHAT?!?!?! (Hahaha Hanna Montana!!) Yes…that annoying snail of a driver is actually saving you. What you don’t know is that a few miles ahead there ISSSSSSSSSSS  a cop…Yup! Sitting right in the trenches waiting to clock & ticket…and YOU, my friend, were the next victim! Oh and there’s construction ahead of you too…if you’re not careful, driving too fast may cause you to miss the detoured exit it gives you…which will cause you to delay your route…Oh and because you were rushing…you didn’t realize that you didn’t have much fuel to begin with…speeding was causing you to burn too much fuel, too fast…you were going to run out of gas before you got to your final destination….BUT because of the snail…I mean…because you had to slow down…you’re now left with enough gas to make it to where you’re going….

Patience ladies and gentlemen…lol

No, but for real, when you pray for something…most of the time you want it soon, if not now…you don’t really want to wait for it…especially when you see the open road and it looks clear. In your mind, you know that this will be all you have to do to get it….and then this unexpected factor is thrown in front of you. And that factor begins to produce patience…as it prepares you for the detour, saves you from spending more than you have (that ticket), and causes you to pace yourself so you won’t burn out before your arrival….Ok maybe this is not YOU…but it is ME…it has been me for a while…

And in light of things not looking how I thought they would…Please don’t get me wrong, I am FOREVER grateful for my answered prayers. But in all honesty…sometimes I’m like…”Really God?!?! This how you want to do it?!?!” lol…but I’ve learned to embrace it, because soon after, I realize that it’s exactly what I want AND need (perfect and complete, lacking nothing). BUT…Patience like to always throw itself in …even in the midst of my blessings and say…I’M STILL HERE….YOU STILL NEED ME….THIS WON’T END! lol…So even in the blessing…I have to be patient with the blessing -_- lol…so at this moment…this time in my life…I’m learning to take it for what it is and ask God to give me wisdom in the midst of it all…so that the patience I need will surface and I will slow down if I need to…

In the next few verses of James chapter 1, it  goes on to say:

⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

If I be honest…I’ve NEVER seen the “double-minded man”…in this light before. That me being impatient, was not only a sign of me not having faith in God regarding my prayers, but that it is also a sign of me being unstable ANDDDDDD double-minded?!?!?! WHATTTTTTTT….oh so now I’m double minded?!?! Oh ok…OH UN UH!! ….I love Jesus with all of me! lol I set out to live holy (set apart for God’s use) ANDDDDDD acceptable! lol…But my reaction to this verse was only because I’ve only seen double mindedness in ONE way and that’s in the context of James 4: 1-8 (go read it!) where it talks about being an adultererrrrrr…and unpureeeee… friends with the world and being worldlyyyyy…..and so on and so forth…Now for those of us who grew up in the church (Shout out to my PKs!!) You know anytime somebody in church say double minded…you automatically think of a person who has one foot in the world & one foot in God. Trying to do their own thing one minute…and act like they loving on God the next… and well…that’s how I always looked at it…

I didn’t realize that my lack of faith meant that I was indeed double minded…and that my impatience was only because I doubted that God was able to perform my requests…which caused me to start thinking like the world, in the sense that my impatience caused me to try to figure out my own way of getting it done…(as if there is no God capable of  fulfilling my request) or completely giving up on it altogether…moving faster than I needed to…or not moving at all…because I didn’t believe God…I didn’t trust that the instructions given in Ps 37: 3-6 was enough for me to be granted my heart’s desires…….Why??? Because He took too longggggg….He threw that snail in to produce the patience I needed to make sure that I am perfect & completely ready for what I’ve asked for….and that I’m WISE when it comes, so that I will first, recognize it and then, appreciate it.

So in a sense…Patience is your protector, your teacher, and your tester. It is placed in your life through trials & tribulations….or in this case just waiting…so that your perseverance through these factors can produce the wisdom you will need to handle your blessing….

So although annoying at times…Patience is actually a blessing in disguise…so let’s just chill out…cut back on life’s road rage…stop trying to PUNK the snail…and recognize that this blessing is just here to perfect (mature) us and complete (prepare) us for our answered prayers….

Heart’s Love

ProVerbs

I wrote this note 3 years ago and I felt compelled to share it again…

I KNOW IT LOOKS LONG BUT PLEASE READ IT….IF YOU DON’T HAVE TIME FEEL FREE TO COME BACK WHEN YOU DO…IT’S IMPORTANT AND COULD BE VITAL TO YOUR LIFE.

I would like to share with you a story to convey the significance in being led by God and walking in obedience. It’s important not to brush God off when he prompts you to do something. You just may be on an assignment ….

..the story…

About 2 months ago I went on a disaster relief mission trip to Louisiana with an on-campus ministry. On our last night of the mission trip we decided to drive to the city of New Orleans for dinner. That night we had a craving for seafood so we headed towards the infamous “Bumba Gumps” to appease our desired hunger. As we stepped into the eatery for dinner we were met with a small framed gentleman who was the host for that evening.

You could tell he had had a long night and was not pleased to all of a sudden be bombarded with a party so big. For some reason I was intrigued by this character and wanted to some how make his night a little better or at least sway a smile out of him. As I paid closer attention I could tell that he was one who indulged in a homosexual lifestyle and could tell that the people around us concluded the same observation. Immediately feeling an ostracized mentality towards him from some around me I was even more compelled to connect with him. As I moved towards him I could tell that the people around me were wondering what the heck I was doing but I didn’t care. For some reason I felt like it was vital that I reached out to him.

I approach him in a joking manner indicating to him that it was obvious he wasn’t happy to see a party of 20 in his midst. He immediately smiled and at that point I sensed one of the gentlest spirits I had ever encountered. He explained to me that he had had a rough night and had been working a little longer than he had intended. I assured him that we wouldn’t be a hard party to work with and to let our waiters know that we would be the best party they had all night! This sparked a conversation, of what I cannot recall, but for some reason God and church came up.

I remember asking him if he was into church and if so, if he had a church home. He informed me that he hadn’t been to church in awhile and that his father was actually a pastor back home but since moving out to Louisiana he had not found one. Realizing that he had grew up in church I knew that all he needed was a reminder. I talked to him about how much I realized I needed God while being away from home and how important it was to be in a church and not to forget God just because we were away from home. I expected him to have a rejecting poise even through his agreeing but he didn’t. He listened as if it was just the reminder he needed. I asked him to promise me that he would find him a church to go to. He smiled and assured me that he would try to find himself a house of worship, for real!

By this point we had had a full fledge conversation but hadn’t yet introduced ourselves. We made our acquaintance and by this time it was time for us to head to our table. I gave him a quick smile and waved to him good-bye. Our missions’ pastor indicated that he knew what I was doing and had been praying for me the entire time. To me it had just been a conversation but Pastor recognized it to be much more than that. Naively I shrugged it off and headed towards the table. Through out the entire meal my mind kept drifting back to this sweet spirited guy I had just met. I couldn’t figure out what drew me to him but I knew that this couldn’t possibly be the end of our association. After dinner I spotted him before I left and ask him if he had Facebook. Of course! Who doesn’t right? So I asked him to write down my name and look me up. In the back of my head I wasn’t sure if he would.

A few weeks later I had received a friend request from a woman but the name had been a guy name and it sounded sooooooo familiar. I thought about it and looked harder. I realized it was him! Her? I admit I was taken back a little bit but I had all of the intentions to contact him and display Christ love in spite of. At that point I explored the notion that maybe I was on assignment and God had connected us for a reason. I added him to my Facebook quickly but didn’t have time to hit him up with a note or a wall post at that moment. Noting in my head, I said that I would get back on soon and hit him up when I had time.

I remember being at the campus ministry and having him cross my mind. I told myself when I get home I was going to send him a note to say hey and to just encourage his heart and remind him of the promise he had made me that night at Bumba Gumps. Needless to say it slipped my mind. Again he had crossed my mind a few days later and I told myself that when I had some time I would go ahead and send him a note so he wouldn’t think that I wasn’t speaking to him because of what I had discovered through his Facebook and that I really did want to keep in touch. For some reason at that very moment I felt that it was essential that I send him a note. Again, I faulted to follow through with it in spite of the semi-urgency I felt.

Last week I was on Facebook and I seen his name on the feed saying that his birthday was coming up. I thought to myself, now is my chance to go ahead and do what I had felt prompted to do a few weeks back but hadn’t followed through on. I clicked on his name and begin to write a joking message about how he could have at least said hello to a sista and explain to him how he had been on my mind and how I had intended to hit him up but had been busy. Just as I began to type, something told me to look down at the comments below. My heart came to a halt…. I couldn’t grasp what I was reading….it couldn’t be. But as I continue to investigate each previous comment I realized that this wasn’t a joke. This gentle, kind hearted character I had connected with was now being R.I.P’d. He had been murdered and found dead 3 weeks prior. I couldn’t help but think about the notion that I had felt a few weeks ago. Tears began to fill my eyes and I began to feel awful! If I had of just….when I had the chance to… I should have just…then maybe…could he….was I?… suppose to?…God is this why you?…was that YOU who?… I wasn’t only crying because he had died (honestly I barely knew him) but because I felt like I had failed God. I couldn’t help but to wonder if God was trying to use me to get through to him. But I ignored HIM; I ignored the beckoning that I felt in my spirit. I categorized it as “semi” when it was URGENT. Thinking that I had time to do my “assignment” on MY time was a mistake. But it wasn’t about me, it was about him and I can’t help but feel that I had failed to adhere to what God had called me to do. Whatever it was that he wanted me to do…

So with that said (if you made it this far)…I beg of you…FIRST….that if you do not have CHRIST JESUS as your LORD and Savior that you accept him NOW (if you want me to share Christ with you feel free to hit me up!!)…SECOND…if you feel that God has called you to do something…please don’t waste time or hesitate especially when it involves someone else’s soul…you have to realized that you are not called for YOU. God has called us for others….the longer you stall the more souls may have to wait… But with that said…I trust that God always has a ram in the bush and can always use someone else….but I WANT to do what God has called ME TO DO! So with that said…God has called us to walk in holiness, and beckons us to drop whatever type of lifestyle we may be living that is contradicting to his WORD and WILL, whether it’s being a liar, fornicating, homosexuality, glutting, hypocrisy, or just flat out ignoring God’s TRUE will for our lives. Please seek the will for your life and don’t ignore the voice of God people! If he’s calling you, whether it’s into ministry, to minister at that moment or maybe just into salvation or a deeper walk with him…DO NOT IGNORE IT!! Submit your life to God, live HOLY and Go FORTH….You may be saving someone else’s life/soul!

Heart’s Love,

ProVerbs

So I fell in love with this guy…

And I mean, I don’t really like putting my business out in the streets like this, but…well I’m gonna lol. So I met this guy….well my parents have known him for years, and even though I had been around him my whole life, I really didn’t know too much about him.  He practically lived at my house, and honestly, I never understood why my parents would invite him over so much.  They seemed to enjoy his company so much that he basically became apart of the family.  And it wouldn’t be over dramatic if I said that this guy practically LIVED with us! Lol

Anyway, so since he was with us ALL the time…I figured I might as well get to know him too.  So I started talking to him & began to learn more about him.  My parents, again, seemed to always have good things to say about him, so I figured “why not?”

…But then it happened.  And if I be honest, I think THEY (as in my parents) set me up! Or maybe he set me up, I mean I’m not too sure anymore.  The more I got to know him, the more I felt like his coming around was more planned then just “by chance.”  Lol But by the time I figured that out, I was in too deep.  And I mean, I aint trying to make him seem thirsty…but he seemed like he was REALLY in to me.  And I aint even gone lie yall, my feelings for him beginning to grow so strongly.  But I was young, so I tried to play it chill…I would try to distance myself, forget about him and do my own thing, because I wasn’t ready to be that committed to someone.  It just seemed like too much at the time.  Plus I was young, I had plenty of time for love, commitment and all that other stuff that comes with it… Feel me?!  But even in my trying to forget him, the feelings wouldn’t go away. Shoot, he wouldn’t go away!

Everywhere I turned he was there, and it seem like everyone around me knew him & was trying to “hook us up.” Especially the adults, but I was trying to chill on that, didn’t want to get in too deep.  But I was so curious, and intrigued by him that I couldn’t stay away.  Plus, he was the ONLY guy my dad didn’t have a problem with me spending time with (now that’s another story lol).

Finally I gave in, his love was like something I’d never felt before.  And every time I thought our relationship had hit it’s highest peak, he would show me how much more he could love me. Like my best friend, he was always there when I needed him.  Late night caking, early morning caking…or what I’d rather refer to as “pieing” (but you only get that if you really know me hahaha)…but I mean whenever I gave him my attention, he took full advantage lol.

What I love the most about him is that he didn’t seem to want anything from me but my heart.  He knew that I had a history of guys coming into my life with the wrong motives…and how much it would hurt me when they either found that they couldn’t reach their goal, simply lost interest, or found someone better & would up and leave me.  But despite that and all my insecurities, when he would tell me that he wouldn’t leave, and that he would always be there for me, I believed him.  There were times NO ONE understood me but him.  Man he helped me through some rough times!  But even in that, if I be honest, sometimes I felt like he wasn’t listening, but later he would do something, even if it was the smallest thing, to show me that he was paying attention the whole time.  Man I love those moments! Lol There were even times he would help me in ways that my parents couldn’t…and to me that was strange. But it showed me that if I couldn’t depend on anyone else, I could depend on him.

Even when I was acting stupid…as we females tend to do in relationships (fellas you do too)…no matter what I did, he would never give up on me.  When I tried to leave, he wouldn’t let me go…he kept trying to get my attention to show me that he cared…that he wanted me…that he was the one…he was what I needed.

And even now, I’m STILL in love with this guy! It’s to the point now that whatever he says, I find myself trying to do it! Yall, I’m so in love! I just want to make him happy!  I don’t always understand him, but the more I spend time with him, the more I love him.  I know a lot of people my age think that’s it’s a little strange that I love him so much, but I don’t care! I just tell them, “Don’t hate! Get chu some!” Hahahaha..

So anyway yall…if you’re still reading this….and I hope that you are lol….this guy that I’ve been rambling about….the perfect chord to my melody….the brightest star in my bluest sky….the greatest tasting apples in my perfect pie….hahah ok ok ok…I’m done….He is the Lord Jesus Christ!  He is THE best love that has ever happened to me!  Throughout my short years lived so far, He has proven to be the greatest part of life.  It is worth getting to know Him & building a relationship.  And like my parents “set me up,” lol…I would like to SET YOU UP with the greatest guy ever! The only God ever…who has already proven His love through sacrifice (Jn 15:13) and is STILL willing to show you how much He loves you!

When I think about people’s resistance towards God…I cant help but think about the fact that we as humans tend to take “chances” with everything else…we give people who don’t even deserve our time, a chance at our heart…but the one that promise to be there always…we ignore.  He never promised life to be easy…but He did say that He would never leave us (Heb 13:5)….and that no matter what happens in your life…it will all work together for good if you give him your heart, love Him with everything, and follow his purpose (Rom 8:28)…

So what I’m saying is….All He wants is you to believe in Him and give Him your heart (Deut 6:5; Matt 22:37).  Once He has your heart, the rest (obedience, commitment, etc.) will fall in place…to get to know Him will be the best decision you ever make in life!

…So yea….I fell in love with a guy….and His name is Jesus Christ…and to KNOW Him is to ADORE Him!

I promise!

-Proverbs

4/8/11

…Sharing a piece of me that I don’t give too often….hope you enjoy it…Let me know what you think…I couldn’t figure out a title for this, so if you could give me some suggestions on a title that would be GREAT lol…Anyway…enjoy

-ProVerbs

……..

Sometimes I’m not chosen,

Sometimes they don’t see,

Blending in with the crowd,

Like sand grains among the beach,

But you pay attention,

And you always see,

What’s deeper than my surface,

As the roots beneath a tree,

And….like…those…roots…

I may not be as pretty,

Maybe not the prototype,

But you planted me strong…loved my flaws…

And found my beauty…as it is…

…precious..in your sight,

And Yet YOU call me special,

And you call me yours,

And you make all the difference underneath my present core,

You notice ME before my existence,

Still wanted ME once I came,

And even with my broken pieces,

Your pursuit still remained…

For every piece so insecure…

And every heartache so consumed

You showed me what I meant to you…

With broken flesh and open wounds…

It is you who shines through me,

It is you who sets me free,

From scarred pasts of shattered glass,

And lost confidence in between,

It is You who stole my weakness,

Poured out my cup of shame,

With fear of abandoned love repeated,

It is You who stays the same,

So you said you will never leave me,

That you’ll never go away,

And it’s funny how I believe you…

I mean COMPLETE trust in what you say…

So maybe they’ll never choose my heart,

And recognition may never be,

But in the midst of shadows…

It’s good to know…

That the creator of the universe…

…is really …diggin’…ME.

Heart’s Love,

ProVerbs

4/8/11

And Jesus said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven (Matt 18:3)

So I was baby sitting my little cousin, and I asked her to join me in prayer. Initially I was going to just go in a room and pray by myself but I felt compelled to ask her to join me with the intent to show her how important it was to take time out and talk to God. Thinking I was about to teach her, I somehow became the student and she the teacher.

I asked her if she wanted to pray, she gently laughed and declined so I began to pray. After I prayed I asked her again if she wanted to pray, hesitantly, she said yes. As she began to pray her words just started to flow, however I was more impressed by what she was saying. She was so real before God….no worries about what she was saying, or how she was saying it, she just prayed. She gave specific details about what she needed God’s help with and began to even point out her own flaws and ask God to help her in those areas.

I honestly almost started crying…I was like, so God this is what you meant when you said come to me as a little child. Children are real, they say how they feel and the only thing that stops them from speaking that truth is adults…they’re open & blunt, quick to forgive, and they initially want the best for people…and I began to recognize all that while she was praying…

Anyway, I could go on and on about this matter, but I would really just like to challenge us all to be naked before God when we communicate with Him. That is something personally I find myself struggling with, especially when I really don’t want to admit the ugliness that’s in me or expose the faults that I have to admit that I have. But God already knows what’s up….why would we hide from Him??  That’s like playing “Hide and Go Seek” and you choose to hide on the other side of a window…really? Now does that make sense to you?!?! lol not really…besides the word tells us, that if we confess our sins that God is faithful and willing to forgive us and even clean us up and change those things that are not like Him (1 John 1:9). And even if you read that 8th verse…it tells you, if you think you have no sins, you’re really fooling yourself.

But anyway…the point is…we might as well be real before God. He’s the only one who won’t condemn us, the one who knows us inside out….who can see past the facade we try to display to others…He knows our thoughts…the good, bad, and horrific…our TRUE motives…and our desires, and yet through all that He loves us and is willing to forgive if we just keep it real with Him!

It’s just amazing how I learned all of this through a child’s prayer…that like her, this is how God wants me to come before Him. It’s not always easy…but it’s what having a pure relationship with God is all about. So the next time you talk to God (which I hope it’s sometime soon)….just remember to be real, tell Him how you feel, and confess it all…in other words, Keep it 100!

I know it’s been a minute, but Thanks for reading!

Hearts Love,

ProVerbs

P.S. Do people still say that “Keep it 100?!?!” I probably should have inquired about that before I finished this blog lmbo…I have issues, I know & I’m going to confess them haha love yall!

Since I told you that I would invite you into my world in my first entry, I guess I should go ahead and tell you. So I preached my first “sermon” last Sunday. I kind of felt weird about it…it’s something I didn’t feel like I could do…

I kind of knew that God called me to preach or at least teach but I never really wanted to and I definitely wasn’t going to be the one to pursue it. I’ve seen people who pretty much long to do that in ministry and I always thought they were crazy. I would ask them “So you really want to preach? Like for real? That’s your dream?” but for a lot of them it was different, they knew what God called them to do and they were excited about walking in it. Me on the other hand, not so much. My friends in college would joke with me and call me Bishop Davis and I hated it but I couldn’t deny the fact that I knew God called me to something like that (not the bishop part lol).

I made a statement a few months ago and in that statement I said “If God opens the door, I’ll walk through it.” I didn’t fully understand what I was saying. I definitely didn’t realize what it would mean to walk through those doors. I didn’t even think about the fact that God may open doors that I didn’t want to walk through. I must admit THIS, preaching, was that door. I NEVER wanted to do this in life….preaching was that one thing that I secretly hoped I never had to do. However, I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming; I just didn’t imagine it would come so soon.

A few years ago I kept having this dream/vision of me on stage in a far away country with a mic in my hand. I wasn’t sure if I was singing or speaking but that image is definitely stuck in my head to this day. So when my dad asked me…I mean TOLD me to preach, I wasn’t sure how I felt. He asked me if I felt like I was called from God and he didn’t want to force me but he knew that this was long overdue, I simply told him that I hadn’t really gotten a confirmation, but I realize I had, I was just ignoring it. One thing I knew, I wasn’t going to say “NO” to God. I’m not trying to be a modern day Jonah…that brings on more trials/tribulations than I’m willing to take….lol

Anyway, when it comes to preaching, I considered it to be one of the most honorable yet dangerous parts of ministry. I say this because people take it lightly, but they don’t know that when you preach, you are responsible for giving people the authentic truth, you are speaking over people’s souls and God does take that seriously, and hold you accountable for every word you put out. So it was important for me that I had a TRUE understanding of any scripture I put out (making sure it was used in the right context) and that I didn’t sugar code anything, but that I allowed the holy spirit to led me in giving the truth in love….And well God is DOPE! He did His thing that Sunday and people were flooding the alter (no joke!), 6 people got filled w/ the holy ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues (yep I believe in all that!)! It was all God and I was honored to be able to first of all, be myself, cause I wasn’t about to “hoop”…that’s just not me lol, and in being myself being allowed to receive a message that would bless so many people!

BUT OMG!!…they put me on youtube!! So when I say “I WANTED TO HIDE IT”…I meant these videos!! I just thought it to be weird to watch my goofy self preach and to know that others are watching me lol but since yall my fam I wanted to share it…plus I think it’s a message we all need so who am I to hide it! So here they are….

Originally posted July 11, 2010 on http://proverbslovejourney.blogspot.com

I don’t really know what to write but I knew I had to write something. I know you may be like “huh?” and honestly…so am I…but I just had this feeling that I needed to write something.

Life to me has been a big blur as of lately. I’ve been coasting through the days trying not to think so much about anything just so I won’t have to deal with it. Have you ever done that? Just refused to think for awhile so you won’t have to deal with the situations around you? Well for a thinker this use to be difficult but as of lately it’s been a lot easier. Not too sure why but it kind of scares me…

In those moments…I’ve always been told that I shouldn’t concentrate on my situation and that I should look unto Jesus but I have to admit that I really haven’t took that advice at all. Why? Because truthfully when you look unto Jesus, He sometimes make you deal with those very situations you try to ignore. He allows the Holy Spirit to convict you to the point where you have to face it…and I for one CANNOT handle that. It’s like when the holy spirit convicts me…He just will not let up!!!…I mean I try to ignore it and sometimes rebuke it lmbo…hoping it’s just me and not God dealing with me…I usually refer to this as the time when the Holy Spirit was “kicking my butt”…lol…but a lot of times I have to give in and face it…and what I usually have to face is myself…my thoughts, my motives, my fears, my desires, my challenges, my issues….

And for me….facing myself is my biggest challenge…UGH!! Sometimes it’s just TOO MUCH…I know there are things about me that I need to change…there are times when I just don’t want to change but there are also moments when I want to…and in those “wanting” moments I feel like my zeal in wanting to change can be a bit frustrating. I want to be all that God wants me to be and I know that in order to be that there are things that I definitely need to change….however I want them to change NOW and when they don’t I get frustrated…I feel like “ok God…I’m working on it!!!”….and 3 weeks later you see SOME progress but it isn’t enough…I’m not changing as fast as I would like to and I go back in that mode where I just want to ignore it….act like it’s not a real issue…like it’s not there…

And you know what frustrates me the most?…it’s that sometimes the change doesn’t seem that extreme…I talk to God sometimes and I’m like “God I mean is it really that big of a deal?…you know there are people in life with traits worse than this and you’re convicting me about this? Seriously God?!?!?”….but I’m starting to realize that my walk with God is just that….MY WALK….I can’t compare my walk with YOURS or Jimmy’s or Erika’s walk…I can’t use them to measure my righteousness or how good I am…God has called us to different things, different places and to different people and what He deals with me about He may not deal with the next man about but that man may not be going where God wants to take me….I’m being molded and in this case “dealt with” to prepare me for my assignments…so I can’t ignore the issues…and I can’t compare my walk…

…I have to look unto Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to work through me and work out the things that I need to change to first of all…please God…but also to be well equipped for the assignments God has in stored for me…so no more coasting through life ignoring the issues…I have to trust that God will give me the strength to face, change, or endure whatever it is I’m going through….remembering the whole time that it’s not about me, it’s all about God…

….ok so I wrote something lol…much love to you for reading….

Heart’s Love
ProVerbs

Originally posted July 4, 2010 on http://proverbslovejourney.blogspot.com

So today I had an amazing time at church…God power was moving all throughout that place from the time the service began till the time it ended. As I type this diary entry I’m starting to get excited all over again!! Whew! lol I’m excited to know a God that’s so FAITHFUL!!!

Ok now before I get too excited let me fill yall in on what I’m excited about…haha…At church, today’s message was called “Repositioned to Reap.” Now what is the first thing that pops in your head when you hear the word “REAP”….now let me see if I could guess what it was

…*thinkingggg thinkingggg*…

mmm….Was it MONEY?!?!?!?!?!?!….lol If it wasn’t CONGRATULATIONS, you’re a rare breed…especially in this society! Now although reaping money is wonderful (and I definitely need that too)…I personally had been asking God to reposition my heart. I remember a time in my life when I relentless trusted and loved God and I wanted that back…a pure heart towards the Lord with no hidden motives or agendas…just me loving Him for who He is alone…and trusting that He, MY CREATOR (ok so He’s yours too lol…my bad, how selfish of me), will lead me in His will, allow me in His presences, and take care of every ounce of need I have…but before He could do this…I had to follow the Matt 6:33 instructions…

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Thinking back on the time that I did relentlessly love and trust God, I realize that that was at an immature point in life when I had to worry about nothing but loving Him…but now I’m older…about to graduate from college and take on this road called “Adulthood” or what I like to call the “Pay yo OWN bills” road….lol

I haven’t paid many bills while in college but being 10 hours away from home, not being able to ask Daddy for money every 5 secs, I became stingy with God. Normally a giver, it started with my money…at home I’d give my last but I knew I could always get more from my parents…here…I knew that wasn’t the case so I started to give less…and less…and less…now I know you’re thinking “I thought we weren’t talking about money”…we’re not…but for me…my lack of trust in God started there…my faith got a little shaky and it started to show in other areas of my life…so lately I have been asking God for that pure heart again…that I show Him I love Him with every part of me….money, time, talent, body…you get the point

….so back to church (I’m almost threw I promise lol)…I had been believing God for that as well as a J-O-B back home. At Tuesday bible study we talked about trusting God and seeing the manifestation of what we speak…so that’s what I did I spoke and trusted God for my pure heart and a JOB…but He tested my obedience…another FACTOR in reaping…YOU MUST OBEY…

…you can’t just speak something and not listen to God or walk according to His word…trust me…you’ll just be wasting your breath…and I’m starting to learn that when God promises you something…there’s always instructions before that promise come to past…Think about Abraham…God continually gave Him instructions…and a lot of times those instructions were EXTREMEEE…but Abraham trusted God and obeyed and well guess what…God not only blessed him but generations following him (side note: your choices don’t just affect you)…so like Abraham God tested me…even though I already believed what I had spoken He challenged me to go to the alter and ask for prayer…I TOTALLY did not want to do it…I was like “But God…I already believe you…I have faith that you’re going to do it!”…what I was really saying was “God pleaseeeeee don’t make me embarrass myself in front of this church! And Bishop is about to do the benediction too! Awww come on God!” lol…

…I stalled for a little bit…but then my legs started to shake and I felt this uncontrollable sensation in my stomach…like God was telling me that this was essential…so I did it…and they not only prayed for me but I received a prophecy that confirmed my decision to move back home after graduation. I was completely overwhelmed because I realized that if I hadn’t of moved I wouldn’t have gotten that word.

…that’s not even the end. A couple approached me after church who were actually from my hometown….told me that they may know someone who may be able to give me a job! My heart rejoiced in the Lord….Go God! Go God! Go! Go! Go! GO! lol

I just realized how faithful God will be if we just SEEK HIM and then OBEY His word and in this case His voice. I am so grateful to have a God who orders my steps even when I don’t understand….

Anyway…I just want to encourage you to follow Matt 6:33 instructions and completely trust that God knows what He’s doing with you…even when life hurts or things just don’t seem to make any sense…if you are letting Him lead you He’ll give you peace in the midst of the storm…or a word that will hold you over till your deliverance come…but you have to remember that He IS faithful..and I mean He made you…How can the inventor not know how to work His own invention…seriously?!?! lol…it’s little things like this that show me how real God is, how faithful He is, and how He is really willing to reward those who seek Him…but remember…don’t seek His hand…seek His face…

Heart’s Love

ProVerbs

P.S. So was the first thing you thought about really money? lol I’m so curious haha