I Wanted to Hide it

Since I told you that I would invite you into my world in my first entry, I guess I should go ahead and tell you. So I preached my first “sermon” last Sunday. I kind of felt weird about it…it’s something I didn’t feel like I could do…

I kind of knew that God called me to preach or at least teach but I never really wanted to and I definitely wasn’t going to be the one to pursue it. I’ve seen people who pretty much long to do that in ministry and I always thought they were crazy. I would ask them “So you really want to preach? Like for real? That’s your dream?” but for a lot of them it was different, they knew what God called them to do and they were excited about walking in it. Me on the other hand, not so much. My friends in college would joke with me and call me Bishop Davis and I hated it but I couldn’t deny the fact that I knew God called me to something like that (not the bishop part lol).

I made a statement a few months ago and in that statement I said “If God opens the door, I’ll walk through it.” I didn’t fully understand what I was saying. I definitely didn’t realize what it would mean to walk through those doors. I didn’t even think about the fact that God may open doors that I didn’t want to walk through. I must admit THIS, preaching, was that door. I NEVER wanted to do this in life….preaching was that one thing that I secretly hoped I never had to do. However, I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming; I just didn’t imagine it would come so soon.

A few years ago I kept having this dream/vision of me on stage in a far away country with a mic in my hand. I wasn’t sure if I was singing or speaking but that image is definitely stuck in my head to this day. So when my dad asked me…I mean TOLD me to preach, I wasn’t sure how I felt. He asked me if I felt like I was called from God and he didn’t want to force me but he knew that this was long overdue, I simply told him that I hadn’t really gotten a confirmation, but I realize I had, I was just ignoring it. One thing I knew, I wasn’t going to say “NO” to God. I’m not trying to be a modern day Jonah…that brings on more trials/tribulations than I’m willing to take….lol

Anyway, when it comes to preaching, I considered it to be one of the most honorable yet dangerous parts of ministry. I say this because people take it lightly, but they don’t know that when you preach, you are responsible for giving people the authentic truth, you are speaking over people’s souls and God does take that seriously, and hold you accountable for every word you put out. So it was important for me that I had a TRUE understanding of any scripture I put out (making sure it was used in the right context) and that I didn’t sugar code anything, but that I allowed the holy spirit to led me in giving the truth in love….And well God is DOPE! He did His thing that Sunday and people were flooding the alter (no joke!), 6 people got filled w/ the holy ghost with evidence of speaking in tongues (yep I believe in all that!)! It was all God and I was honored to be able to first of all, be myself, cause I wasn’t about to “hoop”…that’s just not me lol, and in being myself being allowed to receive a message that would bless so many people!

BUT OMG!!…they put me on youtube!! So when I say “I WANTED TO HIDE IT”…I meant these videos!! I just thought it to be weird to watch my goofy self preach and to know that others are watching me lol but since yall my fam I wanted to share it…plus I think it’s a message we all need so who am I to hide it! So here they are….

Had to Write Something…

Originally posted July 11, 2010 on http://proverbslovejourney.blogspot.com

I don’t really know what to write but I knew I had to write something. I know you may be like “huh?” and honestly…so am I…but I just had this feeling that I needed to write something.

Life to me has been a big blur as of lately. I’ve been coasting through the days trying not to think so much about anything just so I won’t have to deal with it. Have you ever done that? Just refused to think for awhile so you won’t have to deal with the situations around you? Well for a thinker this use to be difficult but as of lately it’s been a lot easier. Not too sure why but it kind of scares me…

In those moments…I’ve always been told that I shouldn’t concentrate on my situation and that I should look unto Jesus but I have to admit that I really haven’t took that advice at all. Why? Because truthfully when you look unto Jesus, He sometimes make you deal with those very situations you try to ignore. He allows the Holy Spirit to convict you to the point where you have to face it…and I for one CANNOT handle that. It’s like when the holy spirit convicts me…He just will not let up!!!…I mean I try to ignore it and sometimes rebuke it lmbo…hoping it’s just me and not God dealing with me…I usually refer to this as the time when the Holy Spirit was “kicking my butt”…lol…but a lot of times I have to give in and face it…and what I usually have to face is myself…my thoughts, my motives, my fears, my desires, my challenges, my issues….

And for me….facing myself is my biggest challenge…UGH!! Sometimes it’s just TOO MUCH…I know there are things about me that I need to change…there are times when I just don’t want to change but there are also moments when I want to…and in those “wanting” moments I feel like my zeal in wanting to change can be a bit frustrating. I want to be all that God wants me to be and I know that in order to be that there are things that I definitely need to change….however I want them to change NOW and when they don’t I get frustrated…I feel like “ok God…I’m working on it!!!”….and 3 weeks later you see SOME progress but it isn’t enough…I’m not changing as fast as I would like to and I go back in that mode where I just want to ignore it….act like it’s not a real issue…like it’s not there…

And you know what frustrates me the most?…it’s that sometimes the change doesn’t seem that extreme…I talk to God sometimes and I’m like “God I mean is it really that big of a deal?…you know there are people in life with traits worse than this and you’re convicting me about this? Seriously God?!?!?”….but I’m starting to realize that my walk with God is just that….MY WALK….I can’t compare my walk with YOURS or Jimmy’s or Erika’s walk…I can’t use them to measure my righteousness or how good I am…God has called us to different things, different places and to different people and what He deals with me about He may not deal with the next man about but that man may not be going where God wants to take me….I’m being molded and in this case “dealt with” to prepare me for my assignments…so I can’t ignore the issues…and I can’t compare my walk…

…I have to look unto Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to work through me and work out the things that I need to change to first of all…please God…but also to be well equipped for the assignments God has in stored for me…so no more coasting through life ignoring the issues…I have to trust that God will give me the strength to face, change, or endure whatever it is I’m going through….remembering the whole time that it’s not about me, it’s all about God…

….ok so I wrote something lol…much love to you for reading….

Heart’s Love

Go God

Originally posted July 4, 2010 on http://proverbslovejourney.blogspot.com

So today I had an amazing time at church…God power was moving all throughout that place from the time the service began till the time it ended. As I type this diary entry I’m starting to get excited all over again!! Whew! lol I’m excited to know a God that’s so FAITHFUL!!!

Ok now before I get too excited let me fill yall in on what I’m excited about…haha…At church, today’s message was called “Repositioned to Reap.” Now what is the first thing that pops in your head when you hear the word “REAP”….now let me see if I could guess what it was

…*thinkingggg thinkingggg*…

mmm….Was it MONEY?!?!?!?!?!?!….lol If it wasn’t CONGRATULATIONS, you’re a rare breed…especially in this society! Now although reaping money is wonderful (and I definitely need that too)…I personally had been asking God to reposition my heart. I remember a time in my life when I relentless trusted and loved God and I wanted that back…a pure heart towards the Lord with no hidden motives or agendas…just me loving Him for who He is alone…and trusting that He, MY CREATOR (ok so He’s yours too lol…my bad, how selfish of me), will lead me in His will, allow me in His presences, and take care of every ounce of need I have…but before He could do this…I had to follow the Matt 6:33 instructions…

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Thinking back on the time that I did relentlessly love and trust God, I realize that that was at an immature point in life when I had to worry about nothing but loving Him…but now I’m older…about to graduate from college and take on this road called “Adulthood” or what I like to call the “Pay yo OWN bills” road….lol

I haven’t paid many bills while in college but being 10 hours away from home, not being able to ask Daddy for money every 5 secs, I became stingy with God. Normally a giver, it started with my money…at home I’d give my last but I knew I could always get more from my parents…here…I knew that wasn’t the case so I started to give less…and less…and less…now I know you’re thinking “I thought we weren’t talking about money”…we’re not…but for me…my lack of trust in God started there…my faith got a little shaky and it started to show in other areas of my life…so lately I have been asking God for that pure heart again…that I show Him I love Him with every part of me….money, time, talent, body…you get the point

….so back to church (I’m almost threw I promise lol)…I had been believing God for that as well as a J-O-B back home. At Tuesday bible study we talked about trusting God and seeing the manifestation of what we speak…so that’s what I did I spoke and trusted God for my pure heart and a JOB…but He tested my obedience…another FACTOR in reaping…YOU MUST OBEY…

…you can’t just speak something and not listen to God or walk according to His word…trust me…you’ll just be wasting your breath…and I’m starting to learn that when God promises you something…there’s always instructions before that promise come to past…Think about Abraham…God continually gave Him instructions…and a lot of times those instructions were EXTREMEEE…but Abraham trusted God and obeyed and well guess what…God not only blessed him but generations following him (side note: your choices don’t just affect you)…so like Abraham God tested me…even though I already believed what I had spoken He challenged me to go to the alter and ask for prayer…I TOTALLY did not want to do it…I was like “But God…I already believe you…I have faith that you’re going to do it!”…what I was really saying was “God pleaseeeeee don’t make me embarrass myself in front of this church! And Bishop is about to do the benediction too! Awww come on God!” lol…

…I stalled for a little bit…but then my legs started to shake and I felt this uncontrollable sensation in my stomach…like God was telling me that this was essential…so I did it…and they not only prayed for me but I received a prophecy that confirmed my decision to move back home after graduation. I was completely overwhelmed because I realized that if I hadn’t of moved I wouldn’t have gotten that word.

…that’s not even the end. A couple approached me after church who were actually from my hometown….told me that they may know someone who may be able to give me a job! My heart rejoiced in the Lord….Go God! Go God! Go! Go! Go! GO! lol

I just realized how faithful God will be if we just SEEK HIM and then OBEY His word and in this case His voice. I am so grateful to have a God who orders my steps even when I don’t understand….

Anyway…I just want to encourage you to follow Matt 6:33 instructions and completely trust that God knows what He’s doing with you…even when life hurts or things just don’t seem to make any sense…if you are letting Him lead you He’ll give you peace in the midst of the storm…or a word that will hold you over till your deliverance come…but you have to remember that He IS faithful..and I mean He made you…How can the inventor not know how to work His own invention…seriously?!?! lol…it’s little things like this that show me how real God is, how faithful He is, and how He is really willing to reward those who seek Him…but remember…don’t seek His hand…seek His face…

Heart’s Love


P.S. So was the first thing you thought about really money? lol I’m so curious haha

Something Amazing I Read (For The Single Believers)

I was checking out the music of this amazing artist that I just ran across, Jimmy Needham, and I was so impressed by his music and his bio. It was more than just his talent, it was his heart for God and the messages in his music reflect everything he expressed on his MySpace Page. It was refreshing to see, because even when it comes to artists who put out Christ music, I still haven’t ran across too many that truly displayed a heart for God, his word, and spreading his message, I mean they say it…but it’s not really reflected if you know what I mean.

So anyway in checking out his music I ran across his website, and on this site he had a section from his wife, Kelly. In this section, they displayed a few blogs that Kelly had written. The first one I read was called “My Predicament” and I really felt the need to share it with the ladies, however I think it’s something men need to read and reflect on as well. I hope this bless you like it bless me. So please click the hyperlink below…

Kelly Needham- My Predicament