There is absolutely NOTHING special about me. Now before you start to think that this blog induced by my insecurities, please just hear me out. Like I said, there is nothing special about me, and I believe the only factor that makes the difference in my life is the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m not EVEN trying to be churchy when I say that, so you can put a pause on the “Amens” for a second (feel free to bring them back later though lol).
I keep finding myself in places, that in the natural, I just don’t belong. Nothing about me, my skills or looks, ever qualified me to have some of the opportunities I have had, including now. But God has always done the unthinkable in/for/through me, leaving me in awe that He would even consider using me.
I once had a guy who walked away from me and found interest in another girl. When discussing why he felt we wouldn’t work, I remember him saying that – to him – I was like every other girl he’d met, and that she was just different. I found myself extremely hurt by this statement, because I always thought I was different. That me being different was the very thing that caused me to stand out, but apparently I wasn’t. I would play his statement in my head over and over. I would recall doubt stepping in the moment those words left his lips. My mind flooded with questions like, “So I am like everybody else? Well why do I feel so different? Why don’t I fit in with the crowds? How come I’m always being rejected?”
Although, at that time, it left me hurt and confused, one day I hope to thank him for those words (if you’re reading this ‘THANK YOU’). Why thank him? Because first of all, it snapped me back into reality and reminded me to be humble. I really took pride in being “different” and felt that it was what set me apart, but often time “taking pride” just left me flat out prideful. Secondly, it left me even more excited about the power of GOD and that favor he had given me! I’m not better than anybody else, and yet he chose me. So with that said, I have come to the conclusion, that he was absolutely right! I have the same temptations, same struggles, same fears, same bad habits as anyone else. I still have things I must mature in, work on, change, let go of….
So yea, like he said, there isn’t anything special about me, and yet God has chosen this ordinary girl to do extraordinary things. He’s using a girl that doesn’t look like she fits in the places that He’s taking her, but He continues to place her among royalty! Me? The ordinary girl. So all I know is, I might not be “special,” but I do know that God is with me. And the CHRIST in me is making the difference!
I don’t need to be anything important; my goal is no longer to impress the people, to be a part of the elite, to stick out so that people can see that “I’m different,” in efforts to be recognized. No, I hold on to the fact that GOD is with me. That the glory of the Lord is present in my life and evident through my journey. When I can’t seem to grasps why He would do this in me, all I know is that He is with me. Whenever people looked at my life and couldn’t figure out the age old question “Why her?” When those who were impressed with my journey from afar, got a glimpse of me up-close, and couldn’t figure out what was so special. Trust me, I couldn’t figure it out either. But I finally realized what it was/is….God it’s You! You chose me from the beginning of the world. The only thing that may set me apart, is my desire to allow You to freely have your way with me.
So God I thank you for everything you have done in me, for me, and through me. When I wasn’t faithful, God you were always faithful. When I did my OWN will instead of yours (or what I THOUGHT was yours, but was really mine…let’s be real!), your grace has ALWAYS led me back to You! When I tried to be for PEOPLE, You showed me that YOU were the ONLY audience that mattered. When I could never impress the people, my simple obedience impressed YOU! You are the light of my life, the strength in my weakness, the reason I live, move, and even try to BE!
I thank you for the heartaches that you allowed to transpire in my life. Those very heartaches are what got me to this place of surrender. And in this place I’m learning to depend on you to fill every void lust abandoned. You’ve surrounded me with few, but meaningful relationships. Friends who don’t just SAY they love me, but PUSH ME to You. Challenge me to be what YOU called me to be. When I was looking to be a part of a CROWD or wanted to reach back for those who’d left me, You led me to You. The place where I found acceptance and healing. You knew best God. I watched your strategic hand move those people and things that meant me harm, and surrounded me with love. When I didn’t understand, You wouldn’t leave me lost. You protected me from MYSELF and moved me into a destiny that I couldn’t even fathom! You are a sovereign GOD! The ONE who knows all, sees all, and can do ALL! You are the INCREDIBLE God that pushed me beyond MYSELF. You continue to use me, even the weak things, just to show the world how strong you are. You used, and are still using, THIS girl to do things that I can’t comprehend, but Lord please know that I’m all in! Your love inspires me to just let go and let You lead!
So although, I’m NOTHING special, I’m ok with that *shrugs*. It leaves me in a position to ALWAYS give you props! So with that said, GO GOD!
“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence.” – The Apostle Paul, 1 Cor 1:27-29.
Ok, now you can say AMEN! Lol Thanks for reading.