#MemoryMonday “I couldn’t figure out what drew me to him but I knew that this couldn’t possibly be the end of our association.”

The Diary of Proverbs

I wrote this note 3 years ago and I felt compelled to share it again…


I would like to share with you a story to convey the significance in being led by God and walking in obedience. It’s important not to brush God off when he prompts you to do something. You just may be on an assignment ….

..the story…

About 2 months ago I went on a disaster relief mission trip to Louisiana with an on-campus ministry. On our last night of the mission trip we decided to drive to the city of New Orleans for dinner. That night we had a craving for seafood so we headed towards the infamous “Bumba Gumps” to appease our desired hunger. As…

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Crazy Love: Plea of the Heart

LCI watched him love her. With tears in my eyes and a bit of regret in my heart, I watched him walk away from me as if I never even mattered. That heart wrenching moment when things are slipping through your fingers so fast you don’t have time to even grasps it. And I didn’t…grasp it, I mean. I just couldn’t understand what it was that I lacked, or SHE had, that would cause him want to leave me. Whatever it was, he did. And I was left with tear-filled glands and my heart in my hand. Watching. Wondering. Waiting.

Yeah, as foolish as it sounds, I figured he would soon come to his senses, so I waited.  Then I pleaded, but he ignored me.  He wouldn’t answer my calls, nor return my text. I hit  him up on twitter, inboxed his Facebook, texted his homeboy, spoke with his momma, commented on his instagram photo, the one with her in it, but I still got nothing. Not even a reply saying, “leave me alone.” His actions said what his words wouldn’t form. Despite the obvious hint to give up on him, I waited….and waited…then waited some more. Till my waiting turned into frustration. And my frustration into anger. I started to understand that whole concept of wanting to bust windows and slash tires, and yet I held my peace. No matter how ANGRY I was, I couldn’t let go of him. So I waited.

While I waited, I saw the most disheartening possibility.  I watched him love her like he loved me.  I’m not sure if you really understand what I’m saying to you.  He was loving her like he loved me!  Same nicknames, same kisses, same praises, same visits.  Flowers, candy, cards, cuddling, tweets, profile pics, statuses, instagram photos, taking this chick to places WE use to eat.  Wait, wait…JUST wait a minute…WAIT A MINUTE!  You guys, he told me that I was special.  He did, I remember it like it was yesterday.  He said that he had NEVVVVVVEEEEEER felt the way he felt about me before.  That I, this love, was different.  And in that moment, I believed him.  But I watched him y’all!  I saw him loving her just the same.

…Ok, ok, so I was lurking! So what…you’d do it too!  Pause. Rephrase. Y’all DO IT too!…Don’t front!

Anyway!  In all sincerity, I couldn’t believe he would just forget about me, our love, and start pursuing her as if I never existed.  And she treated him badddddd y’all.  I mean dogged him out, took his money, and left him begging for more in return.  Yet, I watched him love her!  Not only did I watch (watch..lurk..same thing),  but I waited.  As dumb as it sounds, I did.  I waited.  I waited for him to realize this was the biggest mistake that he’d ever made, and come running back to me.  I was too good to him for it not to happen this way, so I waited.  And I waited.

None of this made sense to me.  I couldn’t believe I had put so much hope in him, so much hope in this relationship.  And out of EVERYONE I could have decided to love, I chose him.  *sigh* And the funny thing is, I still believed in him. If I would reverse the time,  I still see myself choosing him.  Despite his disloyalty, still I believed.  Man, did I believe!  Not in what I saw, obviously there was nothing in the present that would cause me to think that things would be any different, or that he would feel any differently.  But I did, I believed that he would change.  In spite of what everyone around me was saying about him, I saw the good in him.  I saw the hope in his eyes, and I knew that there was something within him that kept him connected to me.  So I waited.  It was hard.  It was rough.  At times gut wrenching.  But I waited.  And I pleaded.

I knew it.  He’s coming back! I knew it.  I knew that he would!  I was too good to him for him to just walk away from me like that.  I gave so much to ensure that he knew that I loved him and LOOK. Ha! He’s baaacc….no wait, no wait, wait what happened?  Wait, no.  Yeah, this is mind-boggling.  What just happened?!  I don’t understand, we were doing so well.  Why would he just up and leave??? AGAIN!  What am I doing wrong?

Ok now it’s on, I’m not playing games!  I know that I don’t deserve this type of treatment, this type of disloyalty.  I gave him too much, and have done nothing more than show him my love and THIS is how he does me!  *Grabs bat* Everyone out of my way! Peace be still my FOOT! *Grabs piece of steel* You already KNOW what it is…

Y’all I got to the door…ooohhh, I got to that door and the crazy in me was raging!  Yup, it was about to be THAT type of party.  I needed to SHOW HIM who I was!  He always got the nice and sweet side of me, but that was OUT THE DOOR!  IT WAS GOING DOWN!  REAL TALK!  ALL DAY!  BY MYSELF!  He was about to go NIGHT NIGHT!  *sigh* Until I hit that door.  Y’all I got to the door and all of the anger inside of me turned into compassion.  So much so that I almost got mad at myself for not being furious!  But all I kept thinking was that I didn’t want to hurt him.  I didn’t want him to feel any type of pain.  I just wanted him to love me they way that I loved him.  I knew that SHE (the one he left me for) wasn’t good for him.  SHE WAS USING HIM!!!  She wanted nothing more than to just take and take until she had nothing left to gain.  And as angry as I was, I wanted to protect him from her.  I wanted to remind him of our love and how much I gave and supported him.  I wanted him to remember those days I wiped his tears and held him close when life brought the most deranged storms.  That I WAS THERE!  That even though he PLAYED ME!  I WAS THERE!  I’m STILL HERE! She doesn’t even wipe his tears!  Matter of fact, she’s the one that makes him cry!  She encourage the pain, then give antidotes that leave him hurting even more.  Why couldn’t he see that!?!?

I didn’t know what else to do.  I didn’t know how else to show him that I was what he needed?!  That I’m what he WANTS!  That I’d do whatever it takes to get him to understand that I’m the one for him.  WHY CAN’T HE SEE THAT?!  I loved him when he had NOTHING.  When he was naked, I clothed him.  I didn’t look!  But I did give him some clothes. Lol  When he was hungry, I made him STEAK.  All she gives him is Roman Noodles.  *straight face* SHE CAN’T EVEN COOK!  She can’t do him like I can!  Like I did!  I just needed him to see it.  I just wanted to make it clear.  She was artificial, and I was the real deal!

I saw that he changed his status to single the other day.  My friend called me asking had I seen the status change on Facebook.  I told her I did.  She laughed and begin to tell me how the girl had left him.  After she’d spent all his money and used him up, she just broke up with him.  No explanation. “Left him high and dry!” she exclaimed hysterically.  She said he was looking bad too.  That I had dodged a bullet and that she was glad that I had moved on.  I just let her talk.  I didn’t reply.  I didn’t laugh.  I just listened.

As she continued to talk, not noticing that I hadn’t said a word in a while, her rant was interrupted by a beep.  Exhausted from the conversation, I took my time checking to see who it was.  I removed the phone from my face and looked down to see the bright screen reveal the caller…

…it was him.

19 I will make you mine forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. 20 I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord.

21 “In that day, I will answer,”  says the Lord.”

Hosea 2:19-21

This story was inspired by the story of Hosea, a prophet in the bible who was challenged by God to marry a prostitute in efforts to show the relationship between God and his people, Israel.  Israel was God’s chosen people who had a habit of loving God one minute and dissing him the next.  Even after God had saved them numerous times and had done some of the most miraculous things ever seen, they still found themselves getting caught up in the things of the world.  Perverting God’s laws and commandments so that they could feel better about living the way they wanted to (sounds familiar?) and even going as far as to serve false gods.  Ouch!  A slap in God’s face.  And yet, we’re no different.

I’ve been reading and studying Hosea and I was compelled to write a modern, but fictional story, that depicts God’s love towards us.  Quite often we forget God, just as Israel did, by choosing other things, people, lifestyles, values, and ideas over Him, His love, and His ways.  The loving God that He is, He tries so hard to get our attention, to make us realize that nothing is better than being close to Him.  And yet, we diss the creator of the universe to appease ourselves with things that are temporary, and most of the time don’t even matter.  Yet He’s waiting on us.  Waiting for us to give up our ways and to really love him the way that he loves us.  He holds back his wrath and anger towards us, and we use his grace and mercy like a ‘get out of jail free’ card.  Knowing this, He is still relentless towards us.  Providing for us.  Protecting us.  I pray the story above helps you realize just how much God is for you.  As crazy and dumb as the narrator of this story may seem, God heart is just the same.  How He is constantly pleading for you to respond to his love by simply loving Him back.  How he’ has gone to extremeeeeee measure to get us to understand how much he wants us, yet and still we ignore him.  We don’t respond to His messages given to correct us and reproof us.  Why?  Because we don’t want to let go of US, OUR desires, even if it means risking our eternity.  Or maybe we think God’s grace/mercy will hold out until we’re done doing what we want.

Listen, God has gone as far as to send his son so that you could have that relationship He originally wanted from you, but that sin prevented.  If you already know Jesus, but walked away from him, my prayer is that you realize his faithfulness and love towards you and begin to walk away from the things that has caused you to turn your heart against God.  Know that He loves you and He wants you back, so badly.  Please let Him back in.  If you do NOT know Jesus, I pray that the Holy Spirit will speak through this looooooooooonnnnnnnngggggggggggg blog, and show you just how much God is in love with you.  He wants you, and He sent me to tell you that.  Let Him in.

Hearts Love


Matters of the Will


Matters of the Will

I can only believe what truth has given us,

And truth has given us mighty hands,

An example of a humble warrior who fights and conquers,
Heals and demands,
Demolish and revives the broken despair of our natural existence,
All while being led by a
Challenging our senses to master what is unseen,
And trust it beyond what vision gives,
Chosen over the mind AND the heart to help guide us and let live,
What most decide to ignore, some choose to pursue,
And while the latter is initially looked upon as the lost,
Irrefutable wisdom reveals it’s indescribable truth,
Unchosen, unmade, intolerable it may,
Be it is,
and will always be beyond the beginning and without end,
Hard to believe the power it breathes into the lifeless,
How one can be confound and spirit saved by strategic foolishness,
Good news still it is and it does
With one sent strong as the Father, and lowly as the Son,
So from dust until dawn,
The timeless will fall,
And that will remain is the results of a decision amongst the chances of plenty,
A gift to the narrow and a curse to many,
That is…
Free Will.

Heart Spoken: My Personal Psalm

Every time I read a Psalm passage, I am intrigued at how transparent the writers are, especially David.  In one Psalm, David could be praising God and sharing his confidence and gratitude in the Lord, and turn around and express his fear, insecurities, and doubts in another.  But even in those Psalms where you find David fearful & doubting, he tends to have a moment where he completely flips the script, combats those feelings, and begin to express that in spite of what he sees, feels, or think, He knows that God is true, so he will continue to place his confidence in the Lord God of Israel!  I don’t know about you, but David transparency is a breath of fresh air!  People tend to make you feel like you’re not a true believer because sometimes you have doubts that God is near….sometimes you get impatient and want to know WHERE THE HECK IS GOD?!?! lol  But I read Psalms, and I see these people, expressing my same thoughts and feelings, and yet they know how to transform those thoughts, and remind themselves (and us the readers) that God is faithful.  And well David, is one man who doesn’t sugar code how he feels.  But what I love the most about David, is his ability to recognize the magnitude of our God and His sovereignty  despite those moments when he feels like God has abandoned him, or is taking too long to come through.  David makes it a point to express to God, that he knows that God is who He says He is and because of that He will trust Him!  Gotta love it!

Anyway, I said all that to say that this…I wrote my own Psalm.  I know it’s kind of weird that someone named ProVerbs is writing a Psalm lol (I beat you to the joke! Ha!), but I did.  One night I was pretty much going through it, and I started to read Psalm (Side Note: If you are ever feeling some type of way, and don’t know how to express it to God, I can almost guarantee that there is a Psalm that can totally explain how you feel.  So search the word & when you find that passage, simply read it to God. I find myself doing that at times (-:…just thought I’d share), I told myself I wanted to write a Psalm to God to express to Him how I was feeling…so this is the product of that night…I hope you can see my heart as you read, and maybe it will even compel you to write your own…so anyway, here it is…My Psalm

Enjoy 🙂


My Psalms: Heart Spoken

Though my heart is filled with the hurt of rejection,
You Oh, Lord have reminded me of your love,
And though the thought of my pain seems to plague me at my darkest hour,
You Oh Lord remind me of your faithfulness to me and your promise to never leave me,
I find my refuge in you, my hope in your love, my peace in your will for my life,
You alone have comforted me,
Only your words alone can heal me,
And when my insecurities try to overshadow my destiny,
You send your sons to remind me of your great plans for me,
Forgive me Oh Lord, for I have sinned against thee,
I have turned my face from thee and wallowed in my adversity,
My laziness has caused my desire for your word to run dry,
But I ask that you find mercy with me,
That you restore my thirst for thee,
My desire is to love you more than anything else,
And even if I have to forsake all to fulfill your destiny,
As long as you show yourself strong and make it clear that it’s you speaking, I will follow you and find comfort in knowing that You Oh Lord are with me,
For your love is better than the sweetest lips,
And my hunger for You goes beyond the fulfillment of my deepest desires
You Oh Lord are my God forever,
Your plan of salvation has allowed me to know of Your goodness,
Without You my life would be fruitless,
The purpose of this journey would be pointless,
But you have predestined since the beginning of the world that through Jesus Christ I would have the chance to fellowship with you,
Forgive me for taking You for granted,
You could have birth me during a time where I would be lost,
But You have graced me for such a time as this,
And for that I am grateful,
Now please search me Oh Lord, and if you will please purge me of the things that you find that is not of you,
Pull away those things that hinders my walk with you,
And place in me the characteristics of your Son and who you desire for me to become,
I am a yielded vessel,
Emptied for your purpose,
In wait for what is to come,
Prepare my heart, Oh God
And let not pride or selfish ambition lead me astray,
But remind me to stay humbled at heart and focus on You alone
For you alone are worthy of all the glory, honor, and adoration,
Both now and generations to come,
Let my bloodline continually give you praise with a sincere heart and a made up mind to please You ultimately.
In Your Son, My Lord and Savior’s name,  Yeshua the Christ

Nothing Special


There is absolutely NOTHING special about me.  Now before you start to think that this blog induced by my insecurities, please just hear me out. Like I said, there is nothing special about me, and I believe the only factor that makes the difference in my life is the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m not EVEN trying to be churchy when I say that, so you can put a pause on the “Amens” for a second (feel free to bring them back later though lol).

I keep finding myself in places, that in the natural, I just don’t belong.  Nothing about me, my skills or looks, ever qualified me to have some of the opportunities I have had, including now.  But God has always done the unthinkable in/for/through me, leaving me in awe that He would even consider using me.

I once had a guy who walked away from me and found interest in another girl.  When discussing why he felt we wouldn’t work, I remember him saying that – to him – I was like every other girl he’d met, and that she was just different.  I found myself extremely hurt by this statement, because I always thought I was different. That me being different was the very thing that caused me to stand out, but apparently I wasn’t.  I would play his statement in my head over and over.  I would recall doubt stepping in the moment those words left his lips.  My mind flooded with questions like, “So I am like everybody else?  Well why do I feel so different?  Why don’t I fit in with the crowds? How come I’m always being rejected?”

Although, at that time, it left me hurt and confused, one day I hope to thank him for those words (if you’re reading this ‘THANK YOU’).  Why thank him?   Because first of all, it snapped me back into reality and reminded me to be humble.  I really took pride in being “different” and felt that it was what set me apart, but often time “taking pride” just left me flat out prideful.  Secondly, it left me even more excited about the power of GOD and that favor he had given me!  I’m not better than anybody else, and yet he chose me.  So with that said, I have come to the conclusion, that he was absolutely right!  I have the same temptations, same struggles, same fears, same bad habits as anyone else.  I still have things I must mature in, work on, change, let go of….

So yea, like he said, there isn’t anything special about me, and yet God has chosen this ordinary girl to do extraordinary things.  He’s using a girl that doesn’t look like she fits in the places that He’s taking her, but He continues to place her among royalty!  Me?  The ordinary girl.  So all I know is, I might not be “special,” but I do know that God is with me.  And the CHRIST in me is making the difference!

I don’t need to be anything important; my goal is no longer to impress the people, to be a part of the elite, to stick out so that people can see that “I’m different,” in efforts to be recognized.  No, I hold on to the fact that GOD is with me. That the glory of the Lord is present in my life and evident through my journey.  When I can’t seem to grasps why He would do this in me, all I know is that He is with me. Whenever people looked at my life and couldn’t figure out the age old question “Why her?”  When those who were impressed with my journey from afar, got a glimpse of me up-close, and couldn’t figure out what was so special.  Trust me, I couldn’t figure it out either.  But I finally realized what it was/is….God it’s You! You chose me from the beginning of the world. The only thing that may set me apart, is my desire to allow You to freely have your way with me.

So God I thank you for everything you have done in me, for me, and through me.  When I wasn’t faithful, God you were always faithful.  When I did my OWN will instead of yours (or what I THOUGHT was yours, but was really mine…let’s be real!), your grace has ALWAYS led me back to You!  When I tried to be for PEOPLE, You showed me that YOU were the ONLY audience that mattered.  When I could never impress the people, my simple obedience impressed YOU!  You are the light of my life, the strength in my weakness, the reason I live, move, and even try to BE!

I thank you for the heartaches that you allowed to transpire in my life.  Those very heartaches are what got me to this place of surrender. And in this place I’m learning to depend on you to fill every void lust abandoned.  You’ve surrounded me with few, but meaningful relationships.  Friends who don’t just SAY they love me, but PUSH ME to You. Challenge me to be what YOU called me to be.  When I was looking to be a part of a CROWD or wanted to reach back for those who’d left me, You led me to You.  The place where I found acceptance and healing. You knew best God.  I watched your strategic hand move those people and things that meant me harm, and surrounded me with love.  When I didn’t understand, You wouldn’t leave me lost.  You protected me from MYSELF and moved me into a destiny that I couldn’t even fathom!  You are a sovereign GOD!  The ONE who knows all, sees all, and can do ALL!  You are the INCREDIBLE God that pushed me beyond MYSELF.  You continue to use me, even the weak things, just to show the world how strong you are.  You used, and are still using, THIS girl to do things that I can’t comprehend, but Lord please know that I’m all in!  Your love inspires me to just let go and let You lead!

So although, I’m NOTHING special, I’m ok with that *shrugs*.  It leaves me in a position to ALWAYS give you props! So with that said, GO GOD!

“But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence.” – The Apostle Paul, 1 Cor 1:27-29.

Ok, now you can say AMEN! Lol Thanks for reading.

Hearts Love,



Annoyed to Perfection

James 1:4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Have you ever asked God for something? I mean you prayed your FACE OFF…and it seemed like God wasn’t listening, or that He just decided He wasn’t going to do it. And then when you least expect it (it could be months or yearsssssss), it drops in your lap like a freaking hot potato…but you don’t really recognize it at first because it came in a form you’d least expect or didn’t expect all!!

Well I’m currently in a period where things/people/ideas/tasks that I have prayed for are coming in ways that I didn’t expect and in some cases, didn’t necessarily want. I struggle with the fact that, sometimes my answers don’t always look like I imagined it…it doesn’t feel as good as I wanted it to…or produce what I expected it to produce, WHENNNNNNN I expected it to be produced….and then that word PATIENCE comes up…

It seems like even when you get your answer…PATIENCE is still a factor that won’t go away…won’t be ignored…and won’t let up no matter how much you complain…

Patience to me is like those moments when you’re in a hurry and you’re on the freeway burning rubber…I mean you’re in that 75-85 mph type speed zone…you’re doing good so far (no cops!! lol)…you look forward and see a clear stretch ahead of you. THENNN all of a sudden this car  jumps in front of you and starts to drive extremelyyyyy slow…you have no way of getting around it so you have to slow down and DEAL WITH IT!  In these cases, sometimes you try to PUNK the car in front of you by driving up on its rear in efforts to say “Hey YOU! Either drive faster or GET OUT OF MY WAY!!” lmbo (don’t act like you’ve never done it!)…However it doesn’t always work like that in life…and in most cases THE CAR WON’T MOVE…so you have the option of either slowing down & waiting on God….or cause a complete wreck trying to get around it (which will stop you in your tracks COMPLETELY)….

You’re SOOOO irritated that you don’t even realize that this car is actually saving you…it’s saving you! CARINMOTIONTRYINGTOGOOOOOOOOO SAY WHAT?!?!?! (Hahaha Hanna Montana!!) Yes…that annoying snail of a driver is actually saving you. What you don’t know is that a few miles ahead there ISSSSSSSSSSS  a cop…Yup! Sitting right in the trenches waiting to clock & ticket…and YOU, my friend, were the next victim! Oh and there’s construction ahead of you too…if you’re not careful, driving too fast may cause you to miss the detoured exit it gives you…which will cause you to delay your route…Oh and because you were rushing…you didn’t realize that you didn’t have much fuel to begin with…speeding was causing you to burn too much fuel, too fast…you were going to run out of gas before you got to your final destination….BUT because of the snail…I mean…because you had to slow down…you’re now left with enough gas to make it to where you’re going….

Patience ladies and gentlemen…lol

No, but for real, when you pray for something…most of the time you want it soon, if not now…you don’t really want to wait for it…especially when you see the open road and it looks clear. In your mind, you know that this will be all you have to do to get it….and then this unexpected factor is thrown in front of you. And that factor begins to produce patience…as it prepares you for the detour, saves you from spending more than you have (that ticket), and causes you to pace yourself so you won’t burn out before your arrival….Ok maybe this is not YOU…but it is ME…it has been me for a while…

And in light of things not looking how I thought they would…Please don’t get me wrong, I am FOREVER grateful for my answered prayers. But in all honesty…sometimes I’m like…”Really God?!?! This how you want to do it?!?!” lol…but I’ve learned to embrace it, because soon after, I realize that it’s exactly what I want AND need (perfect and complete, lacking nothing). BUT…Patience like to always throw itself in …even in the midst of my blessings and say…I’M STILL HERE….YOU STILL NEED ME….THIS WON’T END! lol…So even in the blessing…I have to be patient with the blessing -_- lol…so at this moment…this time in my life…I’m learning to take it for what it is and ask God to give me wisdom in the midst of it all…so that the patience I need will surface and I will slow down if I need to…

In the next few verses of James chapter 1, it  goes on to say:

5If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

If I be honest…I’ve NEVER seen the “double-minded man”…in this light before. That me being impatient, was not only a sign of me not having faith in God regarding my prayers, but that it is also a sign of me being unstable ANDDDDDD double-minded?!?!?! WHATTTTTTTT….oh so now I’m double minded?!?! Oh ok…OH UN UH!! ….I love Jesus with all of me! lol I set out to live holy (set apart for God’s use) ANDDDDDD acceptable! lol…But my reaction to this verse was only because I’ve only seen double mindedness in ONE way and that’s in the context of James 4: 1-8 (go read it!) where it talks about being an adultererrrrrr…and unpureeeee… friends with the world and being worldlyyyyy…..and so on and so forth…Now for those of us who grew up in the church (Shout out to my PKs!!) You know anytime somebody in church say double minded…you automatically think of a person who has one foot in the world & one foot in God. Trying to do their own thing one minute…and act like they loving on God the next… and well…that’s how I always looked at it…

I didn’t realize that my lack of faith meant that I was indeed double minded…and that my impatience was only because I doubted that God was able to perform my requests…which caused me to start thinking like the world, in the sense that my impatience caused me to try to figure out my own way of getting it done…(as if there is no God capable of  fulfilling my request) or completely giving up on it altogether…moving faster than I needed to…or not moving at all…because I didn’t believe God…I didn’t trust that the instructions given in Ps 37: 3-6 was enough for me to be granted my heart’s desires…….Why??? Because He took too longggggg….He threw that snail in to produce the patience I needed to make sure that I am perfect & completely ready for what I’ve asked for….and that I’m WISE when it comes, so that I will first, recognize it and then, appreciate it.

So in a sense…Patience is your protector, your teacher, and your tester. It is placed in your life through trials & tribulations….or in this case just waiting…so that your perseverance through these factors can produce the wisdom you will need to handle your blessing….

So although annoying at times…Patience is actually a blessing in disguise…so let’s just chill out…cut back on life’s road rage…stop trying to PUNK the snail…and recognize that this blessing is just here to perfect (mature) us and complete (prepare) us for our answered prayers….

Heart’s Love



I wrote this note 3 years ago and I felt compelled to share it again…


I would like to share with you a story to convey the significance in being led by God and walking in obedience. It’s important not to brush God off when he prompts you to do something. You just may be on an assignment ….

..the story…

About 2 months ago I went on a disaster relief mission trip to Louisiana with an on-campus ministry. On our last night of the mission trip we decided to drive to the city of New Orleans for dinner. That night we had a craving for seafood so we headed towards the infamous “Bumba Gumps” to appease our desired hunger. As we stepped into the eatery for dinner we were met with a small framed gentleman who was the host for that evening.

You could tell he had had a long night and was not pleased to all of a sudden be bombarded with a party so big. For some reason I was intrigued by this character and wanted to some how make his night a little better or at least sway a smile out of him. As I paid closer attention I could tell that he was one who indulged in a homosexual lifestyle and could tell that the people around us concluded the same observation. Immediately feeling an ostracized mentality towards him from some around me I was even more compelled to connect with him. As I moved towards him I could tell that the people around me were wondering what the heck I was doing but I didn’t care. For some reason I felt like it was vital that I reached out to him.

I approach him in a joking manner indicating to him that it was obvious he wasn’t happy to see a party of 20 in his midst. He immediately smiled and at that point I sensed one of the gentlest spirits I had ever encountered. He explained to me that he had had a rough night and had been working a little longer than he had intended. I assured him that we wouldn’t be a hard party to work with and to let our waiters know that we would be the best party they had all night! This sparked a conversation, of what I cannot recall, but for some reason God and church came up.

I remember asking him if he was into church and if so, if he had a church home. He informed me that he hadn’t been to church in awhile and that his father was actually a pastor back home but since moving out to Louisiana he had not found one. Realizing that he had grew up in church I knew that all he needed was a reminder. I talked to him about how much I realized I needed God while being away from home and how important it was to be in a church and not to forget God just because we were away from home. I expected him to have a rejecting poise even through his agreeing but he didn’t. He listened as if it was just the reminder he needed. I asked him to promise me that he would find him a church to go to. He smiled and assured me that he would try to find himself a house of worship, for real!

By this point we had had a full fledge conversation but hadn’t yet introduced ourselves. We made our acquaintance and by this time it was time for us to head to our table. I gave him a quick smile and waved to him good-bye. Our missions’ pastor indicated that he knew what I was doing and had been praying for me the entire time. To me it had just been a conversation but Pastor recognized it to be much more than that. Naively I shrugged it off and headed towards the table. Through out the entire meal my mind kept drifting back to this sweet spirited guy I had just met. I couldn’t figure out what drew me to him but I knew that this couldn’t possibly be the end of our association. After dinner I spotted him before I left and ask him if he had Facebook. Of course! Who doesn’t right? So I asked him to write down my name and look me up. In the back of my head I wasn’t sure if he would.

A few weeks later I had received a friend request from a woman but the name had been a guy name and it sounded sooooooo familiar. I thought about it and looked harder. I realized it was him! Her? I admit I was taken back a little bit but I had all of the intentions to contact him and display Christ love in spite of. At that point I explored the notion that maybe I was on assignment and God had connected us for a reason. I added him to my Facebook quickly but didn’t have time to hit him up with a note or a wall post at that moment. Noting in my head, I said that I would get back on soon and hit him up when I had time.

I remember being at the campus ministry and having him cross my mind. I told myself when I get home I was going to send him a note to say hey and to just encourage his heart and remind him of the promise he had made me that night at Bumba Gumps. Needless to say it slipped my mind. Again he had crossed my mind a few days later and I told myself that when I had some time I would go ahead and send him a note so he wouldn’t think that I wasn’t speaking to him because of what I had discovered through his Facebook and that I really did want to keep in touch. For some reason at that very moment I felt that it was essential that I send him a note. Again, I faulted to follow through with it in spite of the semi-urgency I felt.

Last week I was on Facebook and I seen his name on the feed saying that his birthday was coming up. I thought to myself, now is my chance to go ahead and do what I had felt prompted to do a few weeks back but hadn’t followed through on. I clicked on his name and begin to write a joking message about how he could have at least said hello to a sista and explain to him how he had been on my mind and how I had intended to hit him up but had been busy. Just as I began to type, something told me to look down at the comments below. My heart came to a halt…. I couldn’t grasp what I was reading….it couldn’t be. But as I continue to investigate each previous comment I realized that this wasn’t a joke. This gentle, kind hearted character I had connected with was now being R.I.P’d. He had been murdered and found dead 3 weeks prior. I couldn’t help but think about the notion that I had felt a few weeks ago. Tears began to fill my eyes and I began to feel awful! If I had of just….when I had the chance to… I should have just…then maybe…could he….was I?… suppose to?…God is this why you?…was that YOU who?… I wasn’t only crying because he had died (honestly I barely knew him) but because I felt like I had failed God. I couldn’t help but to wonder if God was trying to use me to get through to him. But I ignored HIM; I ignored the beckoning that I felt in my spirit. I categorized it as “semi” when it was URGENT. Thinking that I had time to do my “assignment” on MY time was a mistake. But it wasn’t about me, it was about him and I can’t help but feel that I had failed to adhere to what God had called me to do. Whatever it was that he wanted me to do…

So with that said (if you made it this far)…I beg of you…FIRST….that if you do not have CHRIST JESUS as your LORD and Savior that you accept him NOW (if you want me to share Christ with you feel free to hit me up!!)…SECOND…if you feel that God has called you to do something…please don’t waste time or hesitate especially when it involves someone else’s soul…you have to realized that you are not called for YOU. God has called us for others….the longer you stall the more souls may have to wait… But with that said…I trust that God always has a ram in the bush and can always use someone else….but I WANT to do what God has called ME TO DO! So with that said…God has called us to walk in holiness, and beckons us to drop whatever type of lifestyle we may be living that is contradicting to his WORD and WILL, whether it’s being a liar, fornicating, homosexuality, glutting, hypocrisy, or just flat out ignoring God’s TRUE will for our lives. Please seek the will for your life and don’t ignore the voice of God people! If he’s calling you, whether it’s into ministry, to minister at that moment or maybe just into salvation or a deeper walk with him…DO NOT IGNORE IT!! Submit your life to God, live HOLY and Go FORTH….You may be saving someone else’s life/soul!

Heart’s Love,